Blurb help for children's book -

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lyndawrites Reading The Midnight Man by Paul Doherty

27 Jul 2012, 06:02 AM | Post: #1

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Blurb help for children's book

I'm just about to publish the sequel to my book for the 9-12 age range and need help with the blurb, please.

This is what I've got so far for Chamaeleon: The Dragon Key:

Thirteen year old Kel's latest spying mission should have been easy — ensure that young Sun Chi becomes Emperor of Lasheen and escort Princess Heller to the ceremony. But Sun needs the missing Dragon Key before he can be crowned and someone is trying to kill him. To make matters worse, Heller is kidnapped.

Convinced that the boy's sinister uncle, Lord Wei Fei, is plotting to take over the throne, Kel sets out to find the Dragon Key before him but is soon caught up in a dangerous web. In order to solve the mystery at the heart of the palace, Kel must find the two halves of the Dragon Key and the door that it opens, but with the coronation only a week away, will he have time to rescue the princess and ensure Sun Chi is crowned?

I particularly don't like, "To make matters worse..." and I don't think it conveys the feeling of urgency/race againt time that I think it needs. So, over to you.

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lyndawrites Reading The Midnight Man by Paul Doherty

31 Jul 2012, 09:51 AM | Post: #2

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

Bump

Still looking for help here, please.

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J.S.Egan Reading

31 Jul 2012, 10:27 AM | Post: #3

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

I think it needs to be a LOT simpler. (Trying to see it from the PoV of my 9yo.)

Thirteen year old Kel's latest spying mission should have been easy — ensure that young Sun Chi becomes the next Emperor of Lasheen. But Sun Chi needs the missing Dragon Key before he can be crowned.

Convinced that Sun Chi's sinister uncle, Lord Wei Fei, is plotting to take over the throne, Kel sets out to solve the dangerous mystery of the Dragon Key. But with the coronation only a week away, can he do so in time?

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lyndawrites Reading The Midnight Man by Paul Doherty

31 Jul 2012, 10:42 AM | Post: #4

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

(31 Jul 2012 10:27 AM)J.S.Egan Wrote: I think it needs to be a LOT simpler. (Trying to see it from the PoV of my 9yo.)

Thirteen year old Kel's latest spying mission should have been easy — ensure that young Sun Chi becomes the next Emperor of Lasheen. But Sun Chi needs the missing Dragon Key before he can be crowned.

Convinced that Sun Chi's sinister uncle, Lord Wei Fei, is plotting to take over the throne, Kel sets out to solve the dangerous mystery of the Dragon Key. But with the coronation only a week away, can he do so in time?

Aaw, thanks so much Syd. Yes simple is good. I'm hoping to publish tomorrow, so this is timely. Thanks. Heart

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Katherine Roberts Reading Katherine by Anya Seton

31 Jul 2012, 11:18 AM | Post: #5

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

Blurbs are really difficult to get right! You've got all the elements in there - I think it just needs a bit more focus. Short is a good idea, but 9-12 year olds are not idiots and you need something that will encourage the reader to try the book.

One thing that worked quite well on my Seven Wonders books was picking a line from the text that shows the main character at a moment of crisis, and then adding a paragraph of blurb to explain the plot afterwards. As the author, you'll know your book quite well so should be able to pick the right line from yours. For example, one of mine began:

"I'm good enough! I know I am! Plenty of slave boys like me start out driving chariots. And when they win, they earn their freedom." (the main character in that book being a slave boy who collected fuel for the famous lighthouse of Alexandria but dreamed of becoming a charioteer and racing in the Hippodrome.)

The thing I've noticed about my Kindle is that only the first sentence or so of your blurb shows up on the main book page, and then you have to click to turn the page and read the rest. So your first sentence is even more important than it is on the back cover of a paper book. Some authors seem to hook readers by naming other people's books first - not sure that works for children, who won't have the same knowledge of literature as adults do, but my chariot racing book above could have said something like "Ben Hur for 10 year olds..."

Good luck with it, anyway - the nice thing about ebooks is you can always change the blurb later if it's not working.

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Rosen Trevithick Reading

31 Jul 2012, 11:42 AM | Post: #6

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

I wouldn't start with Kel's age. It's important but it's not a hook. Perhaps re-phrase.

A spying mission should have been easy for thirteen year old Kel.

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lyndawrites Reading The Midnight Man by Paul Doherty

31 Jul 2012, 02:01 PM | Post: #7

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

Thanks, ladies. I've incorporated both suggestions and come up with this:

"What if the boy they want to kill is me?" Kel's latest mission should have been easy for the thirteen year old spy — ensure that young Sun Chi becomes the next Emperor of Lasheen. But Sun Chi needs the missing Dragon Key before he can be crowned.

Convinced that Sun Chi's sinister uncle, Lord Wei Fei, is plotting to take over the throne, Kel sets out to solve the dangerous mystery of the Dragon Key. But with the coronation only a week away, and a killer on the loose, can he do so in time?

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J.S.Egan Reading

31 Jul 2012, 02:21 PM | Post: #8

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

This post was last modified: 31 Jul 2012 02:21 PM by J.S.Egan.

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Rosen Trevithick Reading

31 Jul 2012, 02:22 PM | Post: #9

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

I think "What if the boy they want to kill is me?" is a better hook.

www.rosentrevithick.co.uk

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lyndawrites Reading The Midnight Man by Paul Doherty

01 Aug 2012, 04:28 AM | Post: #10

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RE: Blurb help for children's book

Thanks everyone. I've given it a further tweak and changed 'take over the throne' to 'seize the throne', and, all being well, I'll push the button later today. Groovy

Phew!

Thanks again for everyone's help.

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