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Laugh of the Day...

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Offline carryonvending Reading An Officer & a Spy - Robert Harris
27 Dec 2011, 06:40 PM | Post: #71

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

Just been to the new Star Wars restaurant and tried the Wookie steak.

It was a little Chewy.
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant
Offline carryonvending Reading An Officer & a Spy - Robert Harris
27 Dec 2011, 06:46 PM | Post: #72

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

I was having a Poo in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door.

He said, "Can I see your ticket please?"

"Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a poo!"

He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?"

"No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant
Offline carryonvending Reading An Officer & a Spy - Robert Harris
27 Dec 2011, 06:47 PM | Post: #73

The Right Honourable PunMeister
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RE: Laugh of the Day...

Did you realise that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes" are exactly the same?
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant
Offline carryonvending Reading An Officer & a Spy - Robert Harris
27 Dec 2011, 06:48 PM | Post: #74

The Right Honourable PunMeister
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RE: Laugh of the Day...

This Christmas naughty children got some Euros instead of that expensive lump of coal
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant
Offline carryonvending Reading An Officer & a Spy - Robert Harris
27 Dec 2011, 06:49 PM | Post: #75

The Right Honourable PunMeister
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RE: Laugh of the Day...

So I was in Kent the other day and I rang up 118 118 and said "Look, I want to get to Suffolk but I don't want to travel though East Sussex, Surrey or London and I'd prefer it if I didn't have to go directly north"

The operator checked her computer database for a bit before replying "I'm sorry sir, but the only way is Essex"
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant
Offline tao
27 Dec 2011, 07:17 PM | Post: #76

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

True story at an R.A.F base somewhere in the UK:

Instructions given to trainee by the corporal.

"I need you to take this note to the sergeant and wait for a response, OK?"

"Yes Corporal."

"Wait! Before you go, I also need you to get a metal bar from the garage measuring 450mm long by 25mm thick, galvanised with a threaded end."

"Yes Corporal."

The young trainee eager to impress nips off to carry out the task.

He gets his metal rod from the mechanic and carries on to the sergeant's office. On arrival he hands over the note and waits patiently at attention for his response.

The note read:

'Give me your wallet now or I'll smash your face in with this bar!!'
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Offline tao
27 Dec 2011, 07:22 PM | Post: #77

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."
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Offline tao
27 Dec 2011, 07:28 PM | Post: #78

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!'

I thought I'm not letting them get away with that, "That's spam."
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Offline tao
27 Dec 2011, 07:35 PM | Post: #79

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy down the market. This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all.Huh
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Offline tao
27 Dec 2011, 07:40 PM | Post: #80

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RE: Laugh of the Day...

BBC News : 'Missing eight-year-old found safe.'

But she couldn't crack it.
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