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DIY Disasters

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DIY Disasters

This post was last modified: 13 Apr 2016 10:42 AM by DavidHaynes.
I was watching a programme on tv last night all about DIY disasters when in a totally unprovoked attack Mrs H said, "These guys have got nothing on you!"
After some indignation we thought about what she had said and actually she's right. I'm atrocious and have actually cost us money over the years correcting my efforts.

Here are a list of my DIY disasters. Can anyone do any better?
  • When we first met Sarah told me her shower wasn't very powerful. I offered to take a look. I did this knowing I was clueless but hoping I might by some stroke of luck meddle with it and do some good. As a result, I hoped, she might see me again.  I looked at the shower, I took it apart and then put it back together. The result?  It stopped working entirely and in the process I chipped two tiles and completely broke another four. I ended up paying for new everything.

  • She asked me to put three small decorative tiles up in the bathroom. They simply needed three nails in the wall and hanging. I thought it would be better if I got my power drill out. That ended up with a hole the size of a tennis ball in the wall and all three hanging unevenly. I told her she must never look behind the tiles which she didn't until the day we moved and she wanted to take the tiles with us. We had to leave them hanging to cover the craters I'd created.

  • The bathroom light wasn't working. It was on one of those pull cords. 'I'll take a look', I said. I isolated the switch, climbed a ladder and unscrewed the cover. I pushed the screwdriver into something that looked like it might be the problem. A milli-second later I watched a blue electric arc zip onto my screwdriver. I remember thinking "Oh!" Next thing I remember was waking up on the landing carpet. I didn't tell Sarah about that one until a couple of years later.

  • I spent two years flushing baby wipes down the toilet when my boy was small. Now, I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that. I do now. We went away for the weekend for Sarah's birthday. We had a lovely time but when we came back there was toilet paper and human excrement all over the driveway. There was a bit of shouting as I remember, but I said, "I'll fix it!" I jumped out of the car and opened up the manhole cover, The smell was quite strong as you can imagine. There was poo piled up to the top, about three feet deep. We'd had a conifer cut down (she wouldn't let me attempt that) a week before and some of the branches were still in the garden so I found the biggest one and bound it to another with some blue string. I pushed them down the drain like a dino-rod and shoved it as far as I could. I had to attach another stick and another until they snapped and made the blockage worse.


When the proper men came to fix it (Sarah phoned them from the car) they pulled out a massive plug of baby wipes. One of the men said. "And who's been pushing sticks down the drain?"

My answer, "Must be the fella next door, bloody idiot."

His reply, "That's strange, this drain only serves your property."

I nodded and sighed and frowned but we both knew what the score was.

The other day Sarah was talking to George about new curtains. I heard him say, "You're not letting DIY Dad put them up are you?"
There have been others, a lot of others and my power drill has been confiscated,  but I'd like to make myself feel better by hearing from anyone as truly bad as me at anything DIY. Please!
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Offline Kath Middleton Reading Hell, yes!
13 Apr 2016, 11:23 AM | Post: #2

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RE: DIY Disasters

Oh dear! My husband is quite handy - although he over-engineers everything - but I'd always pay a man to do things. As the old couplet goes, 'It is the business of the gentleman to give employment to the artisan.'
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Offline Scribbler Reading TBR list - I hate you!
13 Apr 2016, 12:41 PM | Post: #3

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RE: DIY Disasters

Blimey, David! Maybe your next scary book should be about a deranged D.I.Y. psychopath? Tongue
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RE: DIY Disasters

Oh, David, I just about fell off my chair (fortunately a solid one) laughing at your misfortunes! For a writer of scary books, you're a brilliant humourist.

My husband is a combination of techy *and* handy (he made most of our furniture, as well as the kitchen cupboards and drawers, and does electronic projects for fun when he's not developing software), and I'm moderately crafty, so can't contribute. I do love Kath's saying about gentleman and artisan, though! I can just hear one of my characters saying that.
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Offline JMac Reading
14 Apr 2016, 06:22 AM | Post: #5

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RE: DIY Disasters

My DIY skills are not bad, although there are some things I won't touch - plumbing and electrics included. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't have many skills in that respect and I have now banned him. He put up some shelves when we were students, and the top one fell onto the next, which fell onto the next ... you get the idea. The only time he did some painting I wondered why he was going for a wood effect! He's a great cook though.
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RE: DIY Disasters

This post was last modified: 14 Apr 2016 08:46 AM by DavidHaynes.
The thing is, Shayne, it's all true. Unfortunately. 

Thank you, Julie! I feel a bit better now. At least I've got company on the "banned" list. I also love cooking and do most of the cooking in our house. I also do most of the eating.

When we have trades people in to sort my mess out, my wife says I'm very funny. I nod when they tell me what needs doing and why as if I understand what it is they're talking about. The reality is I haven't a clue. Sometimes I even rub my chin to give it extra authenticity.
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Offline Kath Middleton Reading Hell, yes!
14 Apr 2016, 08:59 AM | Post: #7

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RE: DIY Disasters

The man who owned Middleton towers before us was a great DIY man. Took us ages to sort it all out. We were going to call the place Bodge Lodge.
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RE: DIY Disasters

(14 Apr 2016 08:59 AM)Kath Middleton Wrote: Wrote:  The man who owned Middleton towers before us was a great DIY man. Took us ages to sort it all out. We were going to call the place Bodge Lodge.
Haha!!!
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Offline cecilia_writer Reading Murder by the Glass by Lynda Wilcox
14 Apr 2016, 04:31 PM | Post: #9

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RE: DIY Disasters

My father was great for making things out of other things - when we moved house years ago we found some old Victorian furniture, which he used to make some rather nice coffee tables. However my sister-in-law is the current DIY champion of the family - I think the closest she has come to disaster was being almost trapped under the bath while re-fitting her bathroom single-handed. As she was on her own in the house apart from the dog, it could have ended very badly, but she managed to wriggle free!
Personally I can only do stage props, which may look ok but fall apart quite easily at the end of the run.
Offline Daphne Reading Wanted by Tim Arnot
14 Apr 2016, 07:09 PM | Post: #10

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RE: DIY Disasters

I once put up a wall-mounted spice rack. I invited my daughter to examine my handiwork. As we stood back to admire it, the rack fell off the wall. She's never let me forget it.
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