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How's this for a blurb?

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Offline Ray Kingfisher Reading No, Writing.
24 Oct 2014, 05:14 PM | Post: #11

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RE: How's this for a blurb?

Many thanks Kath (again), David and Tim.

David - I felt the original middle para worked better too - but I couldn't work out why - so thanks for that especially. Tim, great, beyond the call of duty.
The problem I have with blurbs is the same as I have with movie trailers - I want to know the general theme, but too much of 'what actually happens' spoils it a bit - like 'now they've told me the story I don't actually need to watch the film'. Likewise I want to leave things vague if I can.

Having said that, I've added a bit more info. Last try, then I'll make my mind up:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rosa’s Gold - A Story of Holocaust Echoes.

Nicole Sutton is a young girl with problems. A tragic car accident has taken away her brother, and ripped her parents' marriage apart. She moves to a new house, a new town, and a life she never wanted.

In the dusty cellar of the house she stumbles upon a well-worn notebook - the scribbled war memoirs of Mac, an old soldier. His story soon draws her in - to the tragedy and madness of a life left behind in Auschwitz.

Mac's words speak of living history and real life. They ultimately inspire Nicole to think beyond her troubles, and see that you can find a little sunshine every day if you really want to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Or summat like that.
[Image: 51y5K6eT-IL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 41Sbp8zGoPL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51-U1w3xnrL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51N1yXKzonL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 512YvYLa3-L._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51LT3qz-%2BzL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51ka%2BBWFFYL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51leGk78ZOL._SL95.jpg]

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Offline Tim_A Reading strictly murder by Lynda Wilcox
24 Oct 2014, 05:26 PM | Post: #12

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RE: How's this for a blurb?

Like that. Smile
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Offline davidwailing Reading
24 Oct 2014, 05:43 PM | Post: #13

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RE: How's this for a blurb?

Ray, I like this new version a great deal. As a reader, I now care for Nicole much more now that I know she has lost her brother.

At risk of sounding nitpicky, I think the final line may need a bit more work. Perhaps a touch more drama? Also, be careful of the word 'ultimately' since it suggests that's how the book ends. But generally this is a very effective blurb.

I totally agree with you about movie trailers. I sit through them now and think "Well, I've just saved myself a tenner - no need to go see that one!"
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Offline Ray Kingfisher Reading No, Writing.
24 Oct 2014, 08:03 PM | Post: #14

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RE: How's this for a blurb?

(24 Oct 2014 05:43 PM)davidwailing Wrote: Wrote:  Ray, I like this new version a great deal. As a reader, I now care for Nicole much more now that I know she has lost her brother.

At risk of sounding nitpicky, I think the final line may need a bit more work. Perhaps a touch more drama? Also, be careful of the word 'ultimately' since it suggests that's how the book ends. But generally this is a very effective blurb.

I totally agree with you about movie trailers. I sit through them now and think "Well, I've just saved myself a tenner - no need to go see that one!"

That's great advice, David, you're a star. And thanks again Tim. I think I've got enough advice there.
[Image: 51y5K6eT-IL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 41Sbp8zGoPL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51-U1w3xnrL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51N1yXKzonL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 512YvYLa3-L._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51LT3qz-%2BzL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51ka%2BBWFFYL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51leGk78ZOL._SL95.jpg]

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Offline George Hamilton
24 Oct 2014, 08:44 PM | Post: #15

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RE: How's this for a blurb?

(23 Oct 2014 07:47 AM)Jennie Lee Wrote: Wrote:  It looks good and it draws interest, Ray.  My only suggestion would be to leave out ... 'At first she can't summon up the interest'.

(24 Oct 2014 05:14 PM)Ray Kingfisher Wrote: Wrote:  Many thanks Kath (again), David and Tim.

David - I felt the original middle para worked better too - but I couldn't work out why - so thanks for that especially. Tim, great, beyond the call of duty.
The problem I have with blurbs is the same as I have with movie trailers - I want to know the general theme, but too much of 'what actually happens' spoils it a bit - like 'now they've told me the story I don't actually need to watch the film'. Likewise I want to leave things vague if I can.

Having said that, I've added a bit more info. Last try, then I'll make my mind up:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rosa’s Gold - A Story of Holocaust Echoes.

Nicole Sutton is a young girl with problems. A tragic car accident has taken away her brother, and ripped her parents' marriage apart. She moves to a new house, a new town, and a life she never wanted.

In the dusty cellar of the house she stumbles upon a well-worn notebook - the scribbled war memoirs of Mac, an old soldier. His story soon draws her in - to the tragedy and madness of a life left behind in Auschwitz.

Mac's words speak of living history and real life. They ultimately inspire Nicole to think beyond her troubles, and see that you can find a little sunshine every day if you really want to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Or summat like that.
This version really draws me in, and  I'm much more interested in Nicole's situation now. 

I agree with David that the last sentence needs something. I've made an attempt at it, but not sure if I'm on the right track.

Their optimism in the midst of despair inspire Nicole to think beyond her troubles, and to attempt to live her life with more hope (joy) each day.
Offline Ray Kingfisher Reading No, Writing.
24 Oct 2014, 09:31 PM | Post: #16

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RE: How's this for a blurb?

Thanks George. Yes, will be working on that last sentence, so some useful suggestions there.
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