Welcome, Guest! Why not create a free forum account today and join in with the world's friendliest bunch of Kindle enthusiasts

Blurb help for my short story Bittersweet

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 
Offline Matt5ki Reading
12 Dec 2013, 12:40 PM | Post: #61

New to this sort of thing
*******

Posts: 1,439
Joined: Sep 2013

Thanked 111 times

What I Read

RE: Blurb help for my short story Bittersweet

(12 Dec 2013 12:39 PM)Jonathan Hill Wrote: Wrote:  
(12 Dec 2013 12:37 PM)Matt5ki Wrote: Wrote:  
(12 Dec 2013 12:35 PM)Jonathan Hill Wrote: Wrote:  Matt, if this is another Bumpkinton story, it might be worth mentioning it is a stand-alone story (assuming it is) - so readers know they don't have to read the books in a particular order.

You could finish with something simple like:
A stand-alone story in the Bumpkinton series.

Although I haven't mentioned it here, I do have it on a word document that states it is the first Novella in the Bumpkinton series. Last Christmas it states is a prelude to Bittersweet and the Bumpkinton series.
That's fine - I'd put that info in the blurb so readers know exactly where they stand before downloading.
It will be Big Grin I just haven't added on here, but it's there to tag onto it in the final  blurb I'll be uploading onto Amazon Smile
Out Now!
[Image: 51FxumiGWGL._SL95.jpg]
The Bumpkinton Tales: Volume One, in paperback and on Kindle.

Offline Jonathan Hill
12 Dec 2013, 12:41 PM | Post: #62

Author
********

Posts: 3,971
Joined: Dec 2011

Thanked 401 times

What I Read

RE: Blurb help for my short story Bittersweet

Good good. Just checking Wink
[Image: 51w2OgUyUJL._SL95.jpg]

A Surprise for Maureen - out now!

Offline Matt5ki Reading
12 Dec 2013, 01:09 PM | Post: #63

New to this sort of thing
*******

Posts: 1,439
Joined: Sep 2013

Thanked 111 times

What I Read

RE: Blurb help for my short story Bittersweet

No problem. I think what we have will be what I go with. If anybody has any ideas I can change it up to the day before Smile
Out Now!
[Image: 51FxumiGWGL._SL95.jpg]
The Bumpkinton Tales: Volume One, in paperback and on Kindle.

Offline emilynemchick Reading
12 Dec 2013, 01:16 PM | Post: #64

Member
***

Posts: 113
Joined: Sep 2013

Thanked 14 times

What I Read

RE: Blurb help for my short story Bittersweet

(12 Dec 2013 10:50 AM)Matt5ki Wrote: Wrote:  So, this is what I have. Does anybody have any last alterations/amendmant suggestions?

When Venetia was a little girl, her grandpa would regale her with magical tales of the shop he used to own in the mysterious village of Bumpkinton. But the tales died with him.

Thirty years later, Venetia and her husband chance upon an old photograph that ignites a spark within Venetia. She resolves to buy the shop.

As the inhabitants of Bumpkinton welcome the newcomers with open arms, why is Amelia, the resident busybody, interested in the shop? And why is it so important that it doesn't become a burger bar?
I hate to throw a spanner in the works at this late stage, but I think the shorter sentences sound stilted. 'But the tales died with him' looks all sad and alone at the end there, as does 'She resolves to buy the shop.' I'd suggest reverting to 'But when he died, the tales died with him.' It just sounds neater to me as a follow-on from the first sentence. I'd also suggest 'Thirty years later, Venetia and her husband chance upon an old photograph in the attic. It ignites a spark within Venetia, and she resolves to buy the shop.' Again, feels neater to me. 

Looking good, though.
[Image: 41BfYaW%2Bi3L._SL95.jpg][Image: 51tMMHmelHL._SL95.jpg]

Author, Editor, Proofreader. Contact me for my services via http://emilynemchick.weebly.com/
Offline Matt5ki Reading
12 Dec 2013, 01:28 PM | Post: #65

New to this sort of thing
*******

Posts: 1,439
Joined: Sep 2013

Thanked 111 times

What I Read

RE: Blurb help for my short story Bittersweet

Thanks Emily Smile
Out Now!
[Image: 51FxumiGWGL._SL95.jpg]
The Bumpkinton Tales: Volume One, in paperback and on Kindle.


Currently Reading: Last Book I Read: Favourite Genres:HumourFavourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Favourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Currently Reading: Last Book I Read:Norwegian Wood, Murakami Haruki Favourite Genres:Mystery, fantasy.