Welcome, Guest! Why not create a free forum account today and join in with the world's friendliest bunch of Kindle enthusiasts

DIY Disasters

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 

Author
********

Posts: 3,027
Joined: Sep 2012

Thanked 391 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

This post was last modified: 17 May 2016 06:29 PM by DavidHaynes.
As I mentioned on a previous thread we've had a terrible time finding a reliable plasterer. Well the chap eventually finished on Saturday lunchtime. 

That's where the problem started. 

Sarah had spent the week cutting picture rail to stick back up. She's a dab hand with a miter saw and block. She had gone out on Saturday as she thought the plasterer would be there most of the day, thus leaving Sunday to stick the rail up so the decorator could start on Monday.
I thought to myself, why not start it off? Especially since she more or less forbid me from stepping inside the room.  That's not the sort of thing I respond well to.

Two reasons spring to mind now.
1. I'm an imbecile.
2. I'm an idiot.

I got the chair (antique with a wicker seat) climbed up carefully with a length of picture rail in my hand with some 'no more nails' dripping off it. Bearing in mind I've also not long taken some pretty heavy duty pain killers for my back. 

I didn't feel too steady anyway but I couldn't get it level and that's when the chair's straw base (or whatever its made of) went through. My leg dropped and the picture rail flew through the air like Fatima Whitbread's javelin. It struck the landing wall about an inch above the skirting board and impaled itself in the plaster board. 

What did I do? 

Well I got out of there pretty fast. I went to the park with next door's dog and waited for a couple of hours. 
Sarah has spoken to me since. Not all of it very nice. I managed to convince the decorator to patch it up today so in half an hour when she gets home I expect to be in good books again. 
All's well that ends well.
New for May 2017

[Image: 51QQl4j3AWL._SL95.jpg]


The Church of Broken Pieces

Offline Mads Sorensen Reading A Quiet Life by Natasha Walter
17 May 2016, 06:55 PM | Post: #12

Author
*******

Posts: 1,372
Joined: Feb 2012

Thanked 176 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

Sounds like Wayne Rooney would do a better job designing rocket boosters

Perhaps you should stick to writing. Just a thought.
[Image: 41rhkIGNKiL._SL95.jpg]   [Image: 51mqDt327EL._SL95.jpg]    [Image: 51c7sKtKbeL._SL95.jpg]
Offline Jonathan Hill
17 May 2016, 06:56 PM | Post: #13

Author
********

Posts: 3,971
Joined: Dec 2011

Thanked 401 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

HAHA! Dave, as per my reply to you in my thread, please PLEASE consider writing a comedy at some point in your literary career. An autobiography may suffice! Smile
[Image: 51w2OgUyUJL._SL95.jpg]

A Surprise for Maureen - out now!

Offline joo Reading Off The KUF Vol I
17 May 2016, 07:02 PM | Post: #14

Hedgehog
******

Posts: 6,079
Joined: Feb 2011

Thanked 228 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

It's half an hour later. What books?
Hedgehogs rock.
Offline davidwailing Reading
17 May 2016, 07:11 PM | Post: #15

Auto
********

Posts: 3,974
Joined: Sep 2011

Thanked 463 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

I'd also like to vote for 'Do It Yourself, Dave', a semi-autobiographical comedy about one man's genius for catastrophe!
[Image: 415cTOxGWML._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51wNbPbpr3L._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 51im-cXHh%2BL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 5197SvSCQ5L._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 519lLbh1VzL._SL95.jpg]  [Image: 613-pfr3HsL._SL95.jpg]

Author blog: www.davidwailing.com   
Editorial services: www.storywork.co.uk
Offline cecilia_writer Reading Murder by the Glass by Lynda Wilcox
17 May 2016, 07:13 PM | Post: #16

That Singular Anomaly the Lady Novelist
********

Posts: 2,692
Joined: Dec 2010

Thanked 232 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

Yes! Another vote for comedy - or would you consider comedy horror? (Is this a genre?)
[Image: C15Mdg7JBaS._SL95.png]  [Image: B1hPVOedslS._SL95.png]
Offline Jonathan Hill
17 May 2016, 07:21 PM | Post: #17

Author
********

Posts: 3,971
Joined: Dec 2011

Thanked 401 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

(17 May 2016 07:13 PM)cecilia_writer Wrote: Wrote:  Yes! Another vote for comedy - or would you consider comedy horror? (Is this a genre?)
Yeah! I'm pretty sure it's been done on TV and film to varying degrees of success. Frustratingly, I can't think of any right now.
[Image: 51w2OgUyUJL._SL95.jpg]

A Surprise for Maureen - out now!

Offline Jonathan Hill
17 May 2016, 07:26 PM | Post: #18

Author
********

Posts: 3,971
Joined: Dec 2011

Thanked 401 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

David Haynes, master of the comedy macabre:

The man lifted his hat, exposing a horrible flap of flesh. Only the man himself knew how such a disfigurement had arisen and nobody he'd thus far encountered had even seen beneath his hat, black as deathly night.

"Name?" the station attendant barked, the cold London mist swirling about him.

"Moorhen. Roger Moorhen," the man with the flesh-flap replied.
[Image: 51w2OgUyUJL._SL95.jpg]

A Surprise for Maureen - out now!

Offline Mads Sorensen Reading A Quiet Life by Natasha Walter
17 May 2016, 07:31 PM | Post: #19

Author
*******

Posts: 1,372
Joined: Feb 2012

Thanked 176 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

(17 May 2016 07:21 PM)Jonathan Hill Wrote: Wrote:  
(17 May 2016 07:13 PM)cecilia_writer Wrote: Wrote:  Yes! Another vote for comedy - or would you consider comedy horror? (Is this a genre?)
Yeah! I'm pretty sure it's been done on TV and film to varying degrees of success. Frustratingly, I can't think of any right now.
Shaun of The Dead.
[Image: 41rhkIGNKiL._SL95.jpg]   [Image: 51mqDt327EL._SL95.jpg]    [Image: 51c7sKtKbeL._SL95.jpg]

Author
********

Posts: 3,027
Joined: Sep 2012

Thanked 391 times

What I Read

RE: DIY Disasters

I used to feel embarrassed and humiliated about all these DIY problems. I don't anymore. As soon as I get involved the result is fairly predictable. The only variable is what scale the disaster will be and how much will it cost to rectify. It is funny but also incredibly frustrating. 

As for books, Joo. I've been given some credit for sorting it out but there was the usual resigned, 'When will you ever learn?' question. 
I have, of course, promised that this was my last attempt at DIY. I recall saying something similar a number of times before.
New for May 2017

[Image: 51QQl4j3AWL._SL95.jpg]


The Church of Broken Pieces


Currently Reading:The Third Rule (The Complete Story) by Andrew Barrett Last Book I Read: Favourite Genres:Favourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Currently Reading:A Quiet Life by Natasha Walter Last Book I Read: Favourite Genres:Pretty much anything, apart from RomanceFavourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Favourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Currently Reading:Off The KUF Vol I Last Book I Read:The Four Seasons Quest by Cecilia Peartree Favourite Genres:Good books :DFavourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Currently Reading: Last Book I Read: Favourite Genres:Contemporary fiction, humour, mystery, thriller, SFFavourite eBooks:
See my recommendations
Currently Reading:Murder by the Glass by Lynda Wilcox Last Book I Read:Colonel Sandhurst to the Rescue by MC Beaton Favourite Genres:Murder mystery; historicalFavourite eBooks:
See my recommendations